I will preface this post by saying that I had the most fabulous week that I have had since being diagnosed with CML and wouldn’t trade it for the world.
The following is the repercussions of my having too much fun; granted I did have two little girls, one little boy and two four hour drives within the past five days, but come on, being wiped out after this much activity really sucks! My daughter was even here to pitch in. It wasn’t as if I ran a marathon, stayed up partying all night or dug up ancient ruins in a desert, all I really did was, enjoy my grandchildren. All of our activities were simple, quiet projects; all low key. They were in bed by eight and slept all night. The kids were fabulous.
For those of you with chronic myelogenous leukemia that have young children, my heart goes out to you. I know what it is like to put on the “happy” face and push through the day, but being a parent with this disease must really suck! Your heart says “Go”, your body says “No” and your pure persistence, and love for your family and others, just keeps you pushing through; often to your own detriment.
Later you pay the piper; it is your own fault for ignoring your body. It really is sending small signals, that enough is enough. When is “enough”, EVER “enough”, I ask? Pretty much never in my world, and that would be why I just keep pushing, even after I hit the “you have done too much, crappy wall.”
What first begins to happen to me when I am reaching that point, is that I begin to feel fever-ish, then I start getting a headache and nauseous and my energy level drops to zilch. I feel as though I am a walking zombie, just going through the motions; almost like I am watching myself live my life. I am foggy in the brain and my body just does stupid things; like walking into a wall, tripping up the stairs or just dropping things for no apparent reason. I get mouth sores and achy. I also become more emotional, whether it is a good or bad moment, I cry. How stupid is that! I actually cry MORE over “happy” things than the sad. I just want my old self back, I want to be “me” and I want to be able to do the simple things that I used to do without having to pay for it.
I will admit that I did sleep an extra three hours the past two nights and that has helped. I am hoping to avert a further downward spiral, as I have a dance competition next weekend and then a “vacation” in Boise the following week. Unfortunately, I have experienced the results of really doing too much and been taken down by doing so, so I don’t intend to “play THAT game” again. This week I shall try to lay low to avoid another setback that might prevent me from competing and enjoying my time in Idaho. I had my fun and now I shall re-coup; or at least try really hard to do so! Leukemia Sucks!