I know that I am guilty of rarely listening to my own advice and that I continue to push onward and upward, no matter what, just like my mother did, but sometimes I wish that I would say, "I just can't."
It is not in my nature and it is the most difficult part of living with CML. I want to be who I was before; the person that could just go, full steam ahead, and have no repercussions. I don't want to get fatigued, I don't want the nerve pain to flare up, I don't want nausea to keep me up all night and I don't want to feel as though my body weighs two tons every time I take a step. I would also like to be able to breathe.
I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, without paying the piper. UGH!
Here we are, four days from leaving on our six week trip to Europe, and what do you think I am doing? Packing, preparing, resting?
So, we have been spending ten to twelve hours a day CLEANING, painting and replacing flooring. I seriously do not think the child owned a cleaning rag, or even a roll of paper towels the entire time he lived there.
We are nearly done, and pray that we can get it rented before we leave, but if not, at least it will be ready to go when we get back.
Sometimes it is difficult to know what the "right" thing is, and whether or not life choices, such as owning a small duplex, an hour from where we live is wise, or not, so I just keep muddling through, just like everyone else; CML or not!
I feel very blessed to be alive and to be able to have the opportunity to own a small duplex, which allows me the luxury of going to Europe for six weeks.
I may be exhausted, frustrated and totally overwhelmed, but I am also grateful beyond measure.
"I know of no higher fortitude than stubbornness in the face of overwhelming odds."
FaceBook: CML: A Place for Hope and Humor
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