I Still Remember…

Today’s WEGO Health Challenge is to write a post that begins; “I still remember” regarding our illness. This is an easy task for me as there are two moments that I will never forget. The first moment was the phone call from my doctor; he said “Michele, I do not know how to tell you this, but you need to go straight to the emergency room: you have Leukemia. I am so sorry.”

Needless to say, I was dumbfounded; utterly and completely dumbfounded. My very first thought was “What IS Leukemia?” and then, “How do I tell everyone?”  Somewhere between those two thoughts I wondered how long I had to live. I truly believe that shock is a blessing in disguise and the fact that I was able to process all of these thoughts, without becoming hysterical, was truly miraculous.

I still remember where I was standing, what I was wearing and what I was doing; I still remember the sound of my doctor’s voice and the expression on my face. I remember walking to my mother’s bedroom and asking her where my father was; I remember the look on her face when I told her the news. I remember my father driving me to the hospital and walking up to the receptionist’s desk and saying, “I am Michele Rasmussen and Dr. Han is expecting me; I have Leukemia.”

I still remember the sounds and smells of the emergency room and the first time that I laid eyes upon my new oncologist. I still remember everything about my hospital stay, every procedure and moment that I was there. I remember the phone calls and support and the fact that I was finally told that there is a really great chance, that I would still live a long life.

I still remember being scared, sad, mad and confused and I remember finally accepting the fact that I would live the rest of my life with cancer.

And then the most important thing that I still remember is the result of my first negative PCR test; it is the golden ticket, and after two and a half years, I had one in my hand! I do not know whether or not I will be able to hold on to that golden ticket or not, but I do know that I got it once and I have plans, to receive many more.

So for now, I still remember the feeling of pure giddiness that comes along with, a negative PCR!

What do you remember?


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