Thursday, April 16, 2015

My Gratitude: Silent But Listening

It has been many months since I have written any thing; other than my mother's obituary. During this time, much has transpired. So much in fact,  that I have nearly been rendered speechless.

I waffle between having nothing to say and having so much to say that I am fearful of becoming either a total recluse, or a completely opened up, fire hose. I am not sure which is worse!

Throughout this entire period of time, what I found most heart warming was despite my absence, the love and support that I felt from friends and family was what got me through each and every day. It also became very apparent that the amount of love and support came in many different ways, from many different areas of my life.

"Friends" become friends in many ways; some we are lucky enough to grow up with, others' we meet along the way. Some we have never even met face to face, yet they are there, cheering us on. These special friends, that we have never met face to face,  are often people that share a special bond; for me, that bond is CML, also known as chronic myelogenous leukemia.

Another group of friends come from sharing a passion; My number one passion is my family, but my second passion is dance. My extended dance family has been a huge support, always there to share my laughter and my tears. This is my happy place, my place that transports me from grief to joy and I am so blessed to have found such a great, creative outlet, with so many wonderful people!

And of course, the love and support from family is nothing short of miraculous; even from long distances their presence can be felt; I don't know how many times just hearing the breath of a loved one, through the phone, gave me strength.

I also thank God for all  my children; they were able to be with my mother, when I was not. They are strong, caring and wise individuals and I am not only eternally grateful to them, but so very, very proud of them, too.

And then there is my husband; the man that supported, helped and stood by my side through-out the entire three and half month ordeal. He encouraged, allowed and helped me care for my mother during the last six weeks of her life. He also jumped on board the monumental task of preparing my mother's home to be sold. This was all done in stride despite the fact that we both wished to be home. Once again, I am extremely grateful.

I am also grateful that so many understood my utter and complete silence, yet contined to send their loving support. I was so fragile during this time that even the kindest of words, with the best intentions, a touch, a hug or a glance held the possibility of sending me over the edge.

I understand now, how important reaching out to someone in a difficult situation can be, and that just because you do not hear from them, does not mean that they did not hear you. I also understand that just knowing that people care, gives you strength.

I want to thank each and every single person that sent their love, support and concern to me during this time and let you know just how much your words, cards and encouragement meant to me.

I may have been "silent", but I was listening; and I am grateful and blessed.

Bricks for the Brave!!